How to Have a Date Night When You Can't Get a Babysitter
*Disclaimer: This worked well for our kids who are 8 and 5. I realize not everyone has children who can be left to their own devices for more than a few minutes. The exact tips in this post may not work for everyone, but I hope it will at the very least help you to think about creative ways to spend time with your partner during this time.
The last 2 months have been challenging, to say the least. The big scary virus is the biggest thing, obviously. But then there is the constant stream of overwhelmingly disappointing news articles, the distance learning, the working at home with everyone else there all the time ALL THE TIME, and the lack of alone time with my spouse. I’ll be the first to admit that, as a happy homebody, I’ve enjoyed all the time spent under one roof with my husband and my kids. But I deeply miss going out to local restaurants and breweries with my husband, or meeting up with my sister and her mister for a new adventure. Those times of connection with other adults are so important and they help me feel and see things in a new light. I gain perspective and a sense of calm when I get time to laugh and have meaningful conversation with other adults.
I miss that.
After a solid 2 months of being home, I decided a date night needed to happen. It was uncomplicated and quiet but it was an uninterrupted 2 hours before bedtime that Brad and I had to ourselves. Below, I’ve outlined what we did and how it worked. With a little creativity, and depending on the age of your kids, this strategy could become a weekly event the whole family looks forward to!
Make a FUN physical space/boundary for the kids. I know, I know. Date night isn’t about the kids! It is about you and your partner! I’ll get to that part. But first, and most importantly, you need to make sure your kids are happy and occupied while your date night takes place. We set up a small tent in our basement, filled it with pillows and sleeping bags and stuffed animals and flashlights, and they were pleased as punch. A blanket fort in your kids’ bedroom is also a great option! You want to make sure your kids have a physical place where they can be for approximately 2 hours, so be sure to take the time you need to make it great. Get them involved in the planning and creating of the space so they feel some ownership and excitement of their own making.
Embrace Screens. Hi! this is not the time to noodle over how much screen time your children are going to get in one day! Date night without a babysitter depends on sufficient distraction and, for better or worse, tablets are the best option here IMO. Make sure batteries are charged and movies and games are at the ready and let them get comfy cozy in their fun space. Date night should feel special and like a treat, so relaxing on rules around screens is something you shouldn’t feel guilty about. That’s my two cents. We love our Kindle Fire tablets because of the great parental controls we can set up. This way, we don’t have to worry about the boys doing anything crazy like downloading 2 copies of the same movie on your account. Not that that’s ever happened to us…
Don’t forget to feed them! (OK- this feels like it’s all about the kids vs date night but I PROMISE this is 100% worth it.) If you’re children are anything like mine, they are eating you out of house and home. Every 30 minutes: “Mommy, can I have a snack?” or “Mommy, is it time for dinner?” It’s FINE. But that can really put a damper on date night! So, break out those forgotten lunch boxes and pack a few of their favorite things! Or declare a cereal for dinner night! Side note: We love our Planetbox Rover boxes because FOOD CAN’T TOUCH at our house so these compartments have been amazing. Plus, they’ve held up amazingly well! We are going on year #7 with our first Rover and it is still brand new. NOT sponsored, just love them so much. Worth the investment for sure!
Put the kids in charge. Scary, I know. This is a great time to encourage independence. Make sure to sit down and explain to your kiddos that they are in charge of getting ready for bed. If you have a Kindle Fire (and maybe other tablets as well), you can set a time for the tablet to turn off. That is the sign that they need to clean up and get ready for bed. PJs, brush teeth, and if you have a reader in the house have them read to the younger sibling(s). Admittedly, this portion of our evening was a little rocky, but I think once we do this more it will be smooth sailing a lot of the time.
Cheese boards + Wine. If you’ve followed me here or on Instagram for a while, you know our deep love for cheese boards. It is safe to say that we get a silly amount of joy over assembling cheese, crackers, olives, nuts, fruit, etc. We’re nerds and that’s fine. Date night felt like the perfect time to break out some cheese that we got from Roth Cheese. What made it even better is that Brad made an actual board out of a walnut slab. It is GORGEOUS and maybe we are going to make some more and sell them…? Interested? If you’re wondering how to put together a cheeseboard, check out this blog post or this post on Instagram. Serve with wine, maybe something clean like Scout & Cellar from my friend Girl Meets Kitchen?
Talk. Most days, Brad and I are too exhausted to have any kind of meaningful conversation once the kids go to bed right now. We retreat to separate rooms for some alone time because we don’t get that any other time, and we see each other the next morning to do it all again. So date night needs to be difference, friends! Carve out some time, when you’re assembling your cheese board or just as you sit down to enjoy a few sips of wine, to talk to each other. Challenge: Try to come up with something non-corona related.
Movie. Game. Both? Decide on a movie. We watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding because sometimes you just need something that’s going to make you laugh and remember the first time you watched it together and takes your mind off of current events. AM I RIGHT? Movies not your thing? Play a game together. We like Scrabble. Because #nerds.
I realize none of this is ground breaking, but I also know that right now our brains are not fully functioning when it comes to creative ideas for getting what we need from our relationships. So I hope this helps you brainstorm ways to spend quality time with your partner. If you are alone at home, I want to encourage you to carve out special time with someone you really care about. Make yourself a cheeseboard or another meal you love, cozy up on the couch, and play a game virtually or watch a movie at the same time.
We do need people and being together is not an option for everyone, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still create meaningful experiences with the people we love. I’d love to hear more ideas and if you have them, please post them in the comments! You never know who will benefit from your experience.
Lots of love, friends.
