Blank Pages and Computer Screens and School Decisions in a Pandemic
I have spent a lot of time staring at blank pages and computer screens over the past 9 months. Since the early days of this pandemic, my head has seemed so full of thoughts and feelings just begging to be written down. Then, as soon as I sit down to write, they evaporate and I’m left with a heavy, deafening silence. All of those words, the ones that occupy all my mental space, decide to sneak away. Maybe they weren’t meant to be shared. Maybe they were meant to help me quietly, and sometimes not so quietly, process life in a constant state of…what? Panic…grief…fear…uncertainty…peace…thankfulness…confusion.
Last night, for what felt like millionth time, we sat and weighed our options for the next portion of the school year. Distance or in-person. A choice I never imagined when I pictured life as a parent. I don’t know what we will decide to do, but I know what matters to me (thanks Kendra aka The Lazy Genius for always preaching about the importance of naming what matters) in this stage of life:
Creating a feeling of safety.
Providing social interaction.
Stability.
These are the things that matter to me and what I want my boys to take away from a time in their life that will already be filled with so much to think and talk about for years to come. I cannot prevent most of the stressful things that are happening, but I can control how our home feels and how our daily life feeds us rather than how it drains us. We are privileged to be able to make a choice. I know that. That doesn’t make it less complicated but it does offer perspective to remember that if you have the choice, you have privilege.
No, we haven’t made a decision yet. But at least we have a launch pad for getting a little closer.
I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone in my feelings. I want you to know that you are not on a deserted island. You are not alone. I see you and you’re doing the hard stuff.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
We can do hard things.
